that is what I have to tell myself everytime I look in the mirror and I see this hideous thing staring right back.

I wish I lived in another era, country, culture - where looks, weight, fashion and the steroetype doesn't exist. And celebrities.....don't even get me started - forcing us to think we need to look a certain way.

I wish I lived in Mongolia or somewhere like that where they truly don't care.

it's my day off work today, which is great. I've just crawled out of bed, managed to make some quite burnt toast and opened the blinds. It's raining! What a surprise! Just typical - I may have got up later than planned but I was going to do some jobs today in town. I don't think that's going to happen.

Argh! It's August! We should be having a heat wave - the kind of summer where we are all cramming for a space to catch some sun, moaning that it's too hot, dying for a drink and sitting in traffic jams on the way to the beach. That what I need.

Looks like a lazy day for me. Just me, Hitchcock (the director, not that appalling 'superhero' film) and a mug of hot chocolate. I might get up occasionally to feed my dog, Blue, but apart from that I'm not going to do a thing. What a life.

Anybody else out there who is facing a similar day like mine - have fun people, don't work too hard.

Love you and leave you xx

p.s. forgot to wish the old guy Happy Birthday - I know he has been dead since 1980 but hey, I still care.

'...it's higher when you're up there'

So, it's my day off work (which usually prompts a 'phew, finally, a lie in!) but it's raining, which sucks because when I'm at work the sun is always shining.

'I ain't gonna wait no more, I said I ain't gonna wait no more'

I'm doing uni work, because I'm that cool huh. I don't know why I am even bothering - my heart isn't in it. I know that is bad but it is just another dip in my life story and my journey - I need to get motivated. I need to enjoy my life again. Somehow.

'When I get down from here....when I get down from here...'

check out Rocket Kid at www.,myspace.com/rocketkid - truly amazing. Little hint - listen to The Climb first.

love you and leave you xx

I'm sitting here and it's raining...no surprises there then and I'm looking through my recent photographs (which I will upload as soon as) and they make me just want to get away from it all. From living in the city, where people pass you by without a care in the world, being rude and selfish. From going to work just because you need the money, yet you work your ass off with no appreciation. From constantly striving to reach a standard that seems impossible - in my case I want to get on to a Film and Screen Studies course, that I don't think I ever will. And.....just to get away from trying so hard in life.

These photos are my tools of distraction - of escapism.

Hope everyone is having a good day, the sun may even come out.

xx

cos I haven't wrote in like forever! My days have been hectic! Nothing changed there then.
How is everyone? This is me talking to nobody really cos that's the amount of people I get reading this.
Ahh...well.

Uni is over. Summer job has begun. Future looks unsure.
My next term starts end of September....joy. I wanna change my course...but more of that later. Summer job is going fine. I need money!!! And I will do anything to get it! (jokes)

When I'm not working and looking after my mom I'm watching films, of course - because films are my life.
I'm into film history, directors, film theory, film writers - everything. Last film I watched - The Dark Knight of course. Nolan's direction amazing, once again. Christian Bale's deep voice, quite annoying to be honest - but I let that pass cos I was blown away by Ledger's performance. Boy, that's original. The fork in the table trick though, genius. Don't try at home kids.

Back to real life for a second.......everybody's cool. I need a holiday. And....for once....the sun is shining.

so.....it's my last day at uni. I move out tomorrow. It feels weird - this is my home away from home. The place where I truly feel independent, in charge of my life. I'm gonna miss it.

I was gonna say roll on September for when I move into my student house next year but I went to have a little talk thing with my tutors for next year and learn't a little about what I would be covering - and, to be honest, I'm not convinced anymore. I'm confused. I don't know what to do. I thought I wanted to go into graphics and animation but I don't think I do. I want to study film journalism. And that is something I thought I would never say.

Did you notice how many "I's" I used in that little outburst?!? I'm so selfish. I apologise.

I hope everyone is ready to have a really cool summer and having lots of fun. Good times x

I think you've probably gathered that I watch a lot of films - I am a true lover of film, to the point where I hope to make it my career.

So.....the latest film I watched last night was 'Stardust' - a truly amazing film. Beyond belief how much I was blown away by that film. I never saw it at the cinema and, looking back, I seriously regret it - to see it on the big screen with all the special effects (that actually work, take note Indiana) and phenomenal characters is something that I missed. The whole story is so unique - romance is something that I don't immediately enjoy watching (I always get the sense that once you have seen one romance film you've seen them all) but I loved it - the fantastic magic of story-telling is enigmatic here, drawing you in and daring you to look away. Which, of course you can't.

Charlie Cox, as Tristan, starts out as a fumbling fool in love and turns into a truly dominant presence on screen, sweeping Clare Danes off her feet. Danes plays Yvaine and her on screen relationship with Tristan is outstanding. Aiming to catch a falling star for his love back home he finds that Danes is the star and together they head home so Tristan can present her to his love. But things never really go according to plan do they? Danes is at her best, reminiscent of her Juliet days. Oh....and Robert De Niro as a homosexual pirate captain?!? Genius. Pure genius.

One other thing about this fantasy film - it isn't trying to be Lord of the Rings, unlike other films I could mention, causing Stardust to feel like a breath of fresh air on our screens.

When your finished watching you will only have one thought on your mind - 'I want more!'

sorry about the long title people. Couldn't put it any other way.

I think you have gathered by this point that I've recently watched the new Indiana Jones film. To begin with I'm telling you it is a great film, funny in the right places, full of action and all that jazz. But, for people who haven't seen it, I warn you now DON'T expect the greatness that arose from the first three films. It isn't there, and never will be.

I know this may seem like an odd comparison but it is just like Die Hard 4.0 - fine in its own right but never as good as the first films.

Back to Indy - you've got to hand it to Ford, he does an amazing job in this film considering his age - I know that shouldn't matter - but he has still got it - still full of as much energy as any 20 year old actor. However, bring back the simplistic effects! There is way too much CGI in this film - making the film feel like it is desperate to fit in with the other Hollywood blockbusters that surround it. It has definitely been hit with the 'modern, million dollar making, sell out, stick.'

I am not saying it is a complete write off, it is an amazingly good film in its own right - a must see for all. But it isn't the same - go with no expectations, and you will be entertained.

Unless you've been living in a cave for a year, you will have noticed the atomic rise of Shia LaBeouf on our cinema screens. In Indiana Jones, he plays Mutt (nice name) and, from the recent reports on the film, watched a couple of films gave to him by Spielberg to base his character on. One of those films was 'The Wild One.' Starring Marlon Brando as a teenager full of angst and attitude ruling among his motorbike gang, while terrorizing a small town. Well, his entrance into the film was on a motorbike, wearing an amazing leather jacket and a peaked cap tilted on strong head. This is EXACTLY how Mutt enters the latest Indy saga.

You'll find yourself admiring his entrance, his attitude and presence is evident. But he doesn't keep that persona up! Apart from a brief moment when he goes all Danny Zuko on us when he has a gun pointed at his face, he returns to the geeky yet cheeky character we saw him play in Disturbia and Transformers. His resemblance to Brando is forced. Once again, Mutt is a funny character - taking the lead alongside Indy in all the action and adventure, a fitting sidekick.

I urge you to go and see it. Judge for yourself.

Love you and leave you people xxx

I'm actually writing my first blog in like.....ages! I'm back home in Birmingham - great :-( I miss uni.

I think I'm gonna do a catch up on what has been happening:
- erm...I handed some final pieces in and got my grades back....weight of my mind, I'm telling you.
- been partying quite a bit....especially with Robyn! Monday night was amazing, sooo much fun ahaha we rocked Ponana's!
- began slowly moving out of halls, summer is here and I'm gonna be working back home for money for next year.

That's it. My life. Interesting huh?

Status: Listening to The Wombats, while eating Milky Way Stars, writing my blog - time for a power-nap.

xxx

It was soooooo great to get to the beach yesterday - the hottest day of the year so far and I loved it.
I travelled through Glastonbury and on to Minehead and Watchet - the places where I spent my summers growing up. Ahh....them were the days!

It was funny to see that actually most of it hadn't changed haha. Minehead had changed a little, shops were newer, more pubs (wahey), it had turned into the place to be for pub crawls and having fun. Which is a shame, but the older part of Minehead is still as amazing as I remember, awww...the nostalgia!

I took quite a few photos, as always, and I sat in the sun, not doing any uni work. Great.
Can't wait to get back there as soon as I can.